Books · Reading · Uncategorized

ESCAPEY, it’s spelled the same as escape

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I have a deep love of reading. It is the ultimate escape. When I read I go to a different place and it’s like I’m watching a movie in my head. When I stop and return to reality I feel like I’ve been on some kind of trip to another land and everything is surreal for a little bit.

Some people love non-fiction or the classics. Me? I prefer the romance novels. Specifically the urban fantasy romance novels. My favorite series in the whole wide world is the Charley Davidson series by Darynda Jones. Her heroine is hilarious. She brings a smile to my face to just think about her shenanigans. And I can’t imagine any one not wanting an SO like Reyes or a BFF like Cookie. Much like when Charley thinks to herself that she should’ve worn her WWSD (what would sherlock do?) bracelet sometimes I think to myself WWCDD, What would Charley Davidson do?

I was driving to a friends house the other day and it was in the boonies and I turn into what I think is her driveway and there are these big gates that are rusted and left open. As I drive down it, and it’s long driveway, there are trees on either side. Oh I should also mention that it was getting dark. I thought to myself, what would Charley think about this? And I realized that I hadn’t moisturizer my face that day so hopefully the guy with the chainsaw wouldn’t want to wear it.

As we can all tell, I am not as funny as I’d like to be or as Miss Jones is.

Anywho, I’ll get back to the point.

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When I’m depressed or mad or I’ve had a bad day I can open up a book and escape into it. I can scheme with my best friend to get my uncle to pay attention to her and watch as it goes horribly awry. I can solve a crime as a kick ass P.I./grim reaper extraordinaire/consultant for the APD. I can become infatuated with a delicious bad boy who I love despite the fact that I’ve always been afraid of him.

Reading has gotten me through some pretty bleak stuff in my life. When I was in junior high and I was first diagnosed with depression I’d escape to Hogwarts and learn how to make Polyjuice potion. In high school, when I was dealing with a breakup, I’d fall in love with a sparkly vampire who likes to drive fast cars. This is where my love for urban fantasy lays. Reading about our world but with a supernatural spin is amazing. It makes me feel like the guy at the grocery store could be nefilim or the lady at the doctors office is actually a demon summoner (which isn’t actually evil in the book, I should add).

Reading has always made my day brighter. I hope you’ll share with me your favorite ways to escape in the comments.

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My favorite books (in no particular order except Charley)

Charley Davidson series by Darynda Jones

Guild Hunter series by Nalini Singh

Kara Gillian series by Diana Rowland

Mercy Thompson series by Patricia Briggs

Anything by Dorothea Benton Frank, Sherryl Woods (I have over 40 of her novels on my kindle alone), Nora Roberts (over 20 of hers on my kindle and bookshelf), Mary Kay Andrews. I love southern romance novels!

Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon

Black Wings series by Christina Henry

50 Shades series by E.L. James

Rylee Adamson series by Shannon Mayer

Enchanted Inc. series by Shanna Swendson

Tradd Street series by Karen White (another southern romance series but with a supernatural spin 🙂

 

Images courtesy of google and pinterest

 

 

Moms · motherhood · Parenting · Uncategorized

SAHM Problems

As a stay at home mom I have a lot of stuff to get done during the day; laundry, dishes, cleaning, vacuuming, keeping Clare alive… The thing I hate doing the most is grocery shopping. I’ll put it off for so long we’ll be living on macaroni and cheese, pizza, and Chik Fil A for the week. I hate it with a fiery passion deep down in my soul.

It takes me at least a good hour to get through the list, sometimes two hours. It’s absolutely the worst. And going to the store with a 9 month old, forget about it. It’s worse than having a root canal. Usually the hubs does the grocery shopping so that helps but then I end up losing time with him on a weekday after he’s been at work all day.

I discovered that Kroger has this thing called ClickList. I go online, I order groceries, I schedule a pick up time, I drive up to the store (I don’t even have to get out of the car!), and they load up my groceries for me. It’s great…I think. I haven’t picked up my first order yet. But the ordering part was super simple. Aaaand they have a section, based on your savings card number, that stores what you’ve recently purchased so you don’t even have to remember what it was you last shopped for. It’s genius, I tell you, genius!

I’m not positive but I think Walmart offers something similar but I like Kroger’s selection of meat and produce. Oh and you can use digital coupons too.

So, my grocery shopping days have evolved into something easy and quick AND I don’t have to spend two hours in the grocery store!

 

Image courtesy of google and FASDfamilies.com
Bipolar · Moms · motherhood · Parenting · Psychology · Uncategorized

A Spoonful of Sugar

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With my last post I talked about my hard week and how I needed to remember to take my pills. The hubs, after he read it, told me that maybe I should talk some more about that.

I was diagnosed with depression at 12 and anxiety and insomnia at 15. I’ve been on countless medications. Some worked, some didn’t. I wasn’t diagnosed as bipolar II until I was 21. Having the correct diagnoses allowed my doctors to prescribe the correct medication. It didn’t change who I am or was. It just made things easier on all of us.

My anxiety has always been terrible. I mean keep me up at night worrying about the worst possible things that could possibly happen to me at anytime in my life. I used to tell my husband I was “contemplating the universe” when I was caught in a nasty web of worry. I was on a high dose of Klonopin when I realized I couldn’t get through my day without it. I talked to my doctor about going off of it and he gave me two options; wean off, which could take awhile, or cold turkey, but I’d have to go to the hospital for detox if I chose that. I decided cold turkey. It was in that hospital that I had a rude awakening.

There were two people in there who were bipolar and they were both there because they had stopped taking their medication and had had severe episodes. One had tried to jump off a roof and the other had attempted to take her own life. I realized then, during one of the most trying times of my life, that I would never do that.

The problem with being bipolar is that it’s not something that therapy can take care of. It’s not something that positive thoughts or praying can cure. Those help, yes. But it’s a chemical imbalance in the brain and cannot, in my case, be recovered from without the use of medication.

I take my medication for my family, my friends, my husband. I will always try my hardest to make sure that my family doesn’t have to worry about me doing something like that. Its been hard. It really is a balancing act to find the right medications to treat all of my diagnoses that won’t send me into hypomanic or depressive episodes and won’t turn me into a zombie. But it’s worth it.

My point is this; it takes me twenty seconds out of my day to take my meds. Twenty seconds. And it makes my life and the lives of those who care about me immensely better.

It’s worth it.

Bipolar · Moms · motherhood · Parenting · Psychology · Uncategorized

Hard times

So this week I ran out of my mood stabilizer which wouldn’t be a big deal if I hadn’t kept forgetting it at the pharmacy. They called me for 5 days before I finally remembered to get it. It happens to the best of us.

Because of not taking it I ended up having a much harder week than I normally would have had. I was all over the place. At times I was super energized and got a ton of stuff done and then a few hours later I just wanted to curl up and go to sleep because I was sure I was the worst mom/wife/person on the planet.

On Thursday it was the worst. I took some things back to Walmart and since we were out I went out to breakfast with just Clare and me. Everything was fine until they said I couldn’t sub my side of potatoes for a small pancake for Clare. I became so rude and totally out of line because of something so tiny. I came home and ended up on Facebook, which is the worst place to be when you’re feeling depressed, and I ended up in tears because someone told me I wasn’t doing the best for Clare because I didn’t breastfeed. Nevermind that this girl did not know me, my life, or how I am as a mother. It got to me. And then to top it all off Clare would not take a nap. I even tried laying down with her but nothing. For 3 hours she fussed and cried because she was tired but would scream if I tried to get her to take a nap.

The hubs ended up coming home right after she fell asleep and I was trying to sleep. He knew just what to do to snap me out of it. He put his arms around me and held me super tight, almost to the point of not being able to breath, and I felt safe again. I knew that no matter what some chick said about me or how overwhelmed I was by my daughter I was going to be alright. I had him. I had her. And there was nothing anyone could do to take that away from me.

I sent the hubs to pick up my pills that night and today, two days later, I’m feeling a bit better. I was able to be somewhat happy yesterday and I even got together with some of the girls from my MOPS group.

Moral of the story: Don’t let yourself run out of meds not even for a little bit. A few days can turn your life upside down.

Uncategorized

Care for me first before you

I was at Sams Club a few weeks ago when I started talking with this lady. We talked about having kids and being a SAHM. She told me about this program called Mothers Morning Out where you take your little in the morning, duh, and have about four hours to do anything you want before you go pick them up.

Well, Thursday I had headshots for the pageant program and I desperately needed to get my hair and makeup done because it I am completely inept at doing my own hair and makeup for photos is different than everyday application.

So I took Clare.

She’s been to day care during our MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) meetings and done fine so I thought she’d be fine.

She wasn’t.

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She started crying before I even left. I sat down with her and tried to distract her with toys and the other kids (a little boy came up to her and gave her a kiss!) all to no avail. Finally, the organizer lady sat her down in her lap and started playing with a xylophone. She was fine so I left. Okay, I snuck out of there like a drug dealer leaving Mexico. But I got out.

Long story short, I got a few texts saying she wasn’t doing great but then she fell asleep and when she woke up she played a little bit, still wasn’t super happy but she was fine enough. So I went and got my hair and makeup done. All the while feeling like the worst mommy in the whole wide world. But knowing intellectually that it was good for her to see mommy leave and come back and it was good for me to get away for a little bit.

Having a mental illness and being a mom means that self-care is crucial to being my lovely, amazing self, ahem 🙂 I always say that if I don’t take care of myself I won’t be fit to take care of anybody else. And, afterall, Clare deserves me at my best.

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The NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) website states that “any amount of time you take for yourself is important. It can help keep you from being consumed by your responsibilities.”

So I practice self-care by giving myself permission to do other things than take care of Clare sometimes. I get up at 6, even though Clare doesn’t wake up until 8, to get ready for the day, write my blog, or exercise (or I intend to exercise and then get distracted with other things lol).

Self-care is sooo important for all of us. Post a comment and let me know what you do for self-care.

 

 

 



Images courtesy of google. A Mom blog and Baby Gizmo and Sweet Tooth Sweet Life
Bipolar · Moms · motherhood · Parenting · Psychology · Uncategorized

It Takes a Village

So you know how it take a village to raise a child. Well, having a good support system when you have a mental illness is basically the same thing.

Sometimes when I’m having an episode I won’t notice but my husband will. I depend on him to let me know when I am acting unusual. Well, I guess more unusual than I normally am since I am extremely weird, after all. My mom plays the same role, as does my best friend. But my husband most of all.

Here’s a little back story on us. We have been together since I was 16 and he was 18. I wasn’t diagnosed with Bipolar II until I was about 22 so we went through all of the ups and downs of my episodes before we ever really knew why.

Having a mental illness diagnoses didn’t change the way I am. It just helped me figure out what the best options were as far as treatment is concerned. It gave the road I was traveling on a name. Sometimes the road was paved. Sometimes it wasn’t.

It was hard going those first few years but together, the hubs and I, we figured it out. Learning what it was and what the symptoms of an episode are helped us figure out what to do when I start displaying those symptoms. It helped me figure out when to talk to my therapist about what was really going on inside my head and helped me know when I need to talk to my doctor about my medication.

Without him and my village I wouldn’t be able to cope with my episodes and I can bet I’d have a lot more of them without them to call me on it.

Tell me who your village is in the comment below.

Xoxo

Moms · motherhood · Parenting · Uncategorized

Who ever needs to leave the house again? Not me, that’s who

Is it just me or is online shopping the best thing since sliced bread?

 If it were up to me I would have everything delivered and I would never leave the house again. The UPS guy would be my best friend. I mean you can literally buy everything online nowadays. Unless you’re me and then groceries aren’t delivered in your area and you can’t be the hermit you aspire to be 😦 All of my dreams gone down the drain…

Is there anything better than finding packages you forgot you ordered on your front porch? Nope I don’t think so. It’s right up there with full body massages and chocolate covered cherries.

I have to admit that my UPS guy and my mail carrier have probably gotten to know me pretty well by the things I’ve had delivered. Amazon and Gaelic stores and baby clothes….

And PayPal is amazing! No more having to go downstairs and get your credit card. You can just sign in and buy everything. It’s way too easy. I don’t even have time to think about whether or not Clare needs those four pairs of shoes. They’re bought before I have time to second guess myself.

Amazon Prime is the bees knees of online shopping. Free 2 Day shipping! I order everything on there. Makeup, dog food, baby food, toys, tools, everything!

I don’t know what I would do without online shopping…I would go without the things I can’t live without like vanilla scented body wash and Aveeno moisturizer. We just can’t have that, can we?