Bipolar · Moms · motherhood · Parenting · Psychology · Uncategorized

Hard times

So this week I ran out of my mood stabilizer which wouldn’t be a big deal if I hadn’t kept forgetting it at the pharmacy. They called me for 5 days before I finally remembered to get it. It happens to the best of us.

Because of not taking it I ended up having a much harder week than I normally would have had. I was all over the place. At times I was super energized and got a ton of stuff done and then a few hours later I just wanted to curl up and go to sleep because I was sure I was the worst mom/wife/person on the planet.

On Thursday it was the worst. I took some things back to Walmart and since we were out I went out to breakfast with just Clare and me. Everything was fine until they said I couldn’t sub my side of potatoes for a small pancake for Clare. I became so rude and totally out of line because of something so tiny. I came home and ended up on Facebook, which is the worst place to be when you’re feeling depressed, and I ended up in tears because someone told me I wasn’t doing the best for Clare because I didn’t breastfeed. Nevermind that this girl did not know me, my life, or how I am as a mother. It got to me. And then to top it all off Clare would not take a nap. I even tried laying down with her but nothing. For 3 hours she fussed and cried because she was tired but would scream if I tried to get her to take a nap.

The hubs ended up coming home right after she fell asleep and I was trying to sleep. He knew just what to do to snap me out of it. He put his arms around me and held me super tight, almost to the point of not being able to breath, and I felt safe again. I knew that no matter what some chick said about me or how overwhelmed I was by my daughter I was going to be alright. I had him. I had her. And there was nothing anyone could do to take that away from me.

I sent the hubs to pick up my pills that night and today, two days later, I’m feeling a bit better. I was able to be somewhat happy yesterday and I even got together with some of the girls from my MOPS group.

Moral of the story: Don’t let yourself run out of meds not even for a little bit. A few days can turn your life upside down.

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