Fitness · Moms · motherhood · pageant · Uncategorized

Anything new?

Today is Day 3 of me doing Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred workouts and I was actually excited to get up this morning and get to it. Don’t get me wrong, the workouts are kicking my butt but I feel good. I feel strong and powerful. I feel like I am accomplishing something. It’s given me more energy throughout the day. And I am super excited to see what the results will be.


I’m finding that I can do it. I can do a 20 minute workout that hurts and not stop. It’s an amazing feeling. I haven’t sweat this much since I gave birth and I was in labor for 24 hours with 4 hours of pushing so I was super sweaty. But it feels good and I want to keep feeling that.

So I will workout everyday until I see results. And, darn it, I will get results.



Images courtesy of google and Instagram


Bipolar · Fitness · Friends · friendship · Moms · motherhood · pageant · Parenting · Psychology · Uncategorized

The grass is always greener


As a mom I find myself making comparisons a lot. This mom does this, this mom does that. This baby is doing this and this baby is doing that. I compare myself against other moms and other women in general. Part of this is low self-esteem and part of it is just human nature. We all know it’s not healthy but it’s a hard habit to break.

Right now, with the pageant looming, I find myself comparing myself to other women competing. I know it’s bad and I try not to but it’s difficult not to. I see them doing events and doing things with their platforms and I’m in awe. How do they find the time to do so much? Is it because their kids are older or are they just better at time management than I am? I don’t have the answers and I keep feeling like I’m not stacking up which makes me depressed and overwhelmed and then I don’t do the things I need to do to make my platform stand out and get myself ready for this pageant. I feel like it is hopeless because, in my mind, I won’t and can’t ever compare to these amazing women.

Writing this is super hard because I know that some of those women read my blog and I don’t want them to know how I feel. Hell, I don’t want anyone to know I feel like this. It’s incredibly embarrassing. But those women have also supported me when I’ve been doing platform work and I’ve supported them. We cheer each other on. That’s one of the things I love about this pageant system. The women don’t compete against each other, in the traditional sense of the word, we compete against ourselves. We hold each other up and help when we can and pray for each other and just love.


What I have to remember is that, no, I can’t compare to these women but they can’t compare to me either. Simply because they are different than me. They have different strengths than I do but that doesn’t make my strengths any weaker. It just makes them different.

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live it’s whole life believing it is stupid.” – Albert Einstein.


I can only compare myself to who I was yesterday or who I was a year ago. Same for them. Am I better than I was then? Am I stronger, healthier, happier than yesterday? I sure hope so.

Comparing myself to them won’t help me better myself and it won’t help me win. I can’t focus on their progress because then I lose sight of my own. Sometimes I forget this. But then I have amazing people in my life who remind me. You know who you are.


So to prepare for this pageant and life in general, all I need to do is make sure I am bettering myself one day at a time. I have to use each day to make sure I do more, or be more than I was the day before. I have to try harder than I did yesterday with just one small thing. And that one small thing will change me.






Images courtesy of google, FitnessBunny123, Quora, The Michigan Mom, and Deseret Designs

Bipolar · Fitness · Moms · motherhood · pageant · Parenting · Psychology · Uncategorized

Exercise? Really?


Yep. I decided to do it. Well, actually my pageant coach decided I would do it. I have now committed to at least a 10 minute workout three times a week. Doesn’t sound like much does it? If you knew me, though, you’d know that exercise is right up there with getting drilled at the dentist for me. I hate it. It’s terrible. In fact, I think I’m allergic. I get all hot and sweaty, red and flushed, and breathing gets hard. It must be allergic reaction, right?

I’ve decided to beat that. I’m going to do a 20 minute workout three times a week! We’ll see if I can keep that up.


The thing with exercise is that it’s supposed to be super good for you. I believe Elle Woods said it best “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy.” It’s supposed to revitalize you and get you pumped up. All it does for me is make me want a nap. But I’m going to try, darn it!

It’s also supposed to be great for your mental health. I think that’s because of the endorphin thing. Maybe it will help me in some way and I’ll think back to these years when I didn’t do it with regret and say “why did I squander those years away.” I mean, I doubt it but who knows. It could happen, right?


I guess looking good and fit would help with my mental/emotional health. Banishing the mom bod would be great. Then I could wear my old, non-mom jeans again. The juniors size. And then when Clare gets older she’ll think it’s ridiculous that I buy my jeans in the same place she does. That might just make it worth it.

One last thing. Fitness is 25% of my score for Mrs. Georgia. I define success as giving it your all and, even if you don’t win, you can still look back and say “I did my best.” So I’m gonna give it my all and see where it takes me.

Anyone want to suffer, ehem I mean, workout with me?

Do you exercise? What’s your favorite way to get those endorphins?




Images courtesy of QuickMeme and MemeCenter


Friends · friendship · Moms · pageant · Uncategorized

You’ve got a friend in me



Friendships are hard when you’re a grown up. Making them and maintaining them gets more difficult once you’re out of school. I mean, how do you meet new friends when you’re an adult? At the grocery store? I guess at work but those always turn into “work friendships” and don’t really extend outside of work.

So you hold onto the ones from school. I have friends that I’ve known since I was a baby. Friends who lived on my block growing up, friends from grade school, high school, and college. I now have friends who are amazing women that I’ve met through my MOPS chapter meetings and through this pageant. But I feel like the best friends are the old ones, the ones who’ve seen you through a lot, the ones that you don’t talk to you for a while but when you do you pick back up right where you left off.



Again, though, friendships are hard to maintain. Everyone is busy and not everyone is good at answering the phone or returning texts because they’re busy just like you are. I have one particular friend who is like this. I love her more than words could possibly describe. One day she will be more than a friend, too, she’ll be family. It doesn’t get any better than a best friend who marries in!

She’s a busy woman. Working full-time and in her spare time she spends it with her family. I completely understand when she can’t answer the phone or call back right away. It’s just one of those things that gets harder as you get older. And it has been like that since I first met her in college. She was still a bestie then even though she was hard to get ahold of.



Anyways my general point of this post was to tell you that treasure those friendships, the ones who are special and will be there until you’re old and grey.

But then I thought about my friend and couldn’t help but tell her, through this, that even when she feels like she’s being a bad friend, she isn’t. I still love her because I know that one day, when I really need her, she will be there for me. Just like she always has.




Images courtesy of google and Pinterest

Bipolar · Moms · motherhood · pageant · Parenting · Psychology · Uncategorized

Don’t look at me with those judgey eyes!


Competing in pageants is always nerve wracking but competing in a pageant where I have been completely open about my daily struggles with my mental health is especially so. I know I’m going to be judged and the fact is, with the stigma surrounding mental illness, those judges may only see me as an illness. They may see me as unstable or violent or any of the other stigmas that go hand in hand with having a mental illness. But I’m going to do it anyways.

It’s hard to be open about things with people when they inevitably ask “why can’t you just be happy?” It’s not a choice to have a mental illness. It’s not a decision I made this morning…”hmmm, you know what? I think I’ll be bipolar today.” It’s something I struggle with everyday. And guess what? It has made me a warrior! I have done some amazing things in my life but the two that were the hardest are 1) creating life and pushing a baby out after 24 hours of labor and 4 hours of pushing and 2) living with a mental illness. Nothing worth having is ever easy. If it were easy everyone would do it.

I’m choosing to share my story with everyone who wants to hear it, and some who don’t. I want to spread the word that having a mental illness isn’t a death sentence. It’s part of who you are. Being weird and “kooky” has always been a part of what makes me unique and anyone who knows me knows that it doesn’t stop me from being a great wife, mother, and friend.

I’m taking the risk to sit down with these judges and tell them I’m not perfect, far from it, actually. But I’m strong and I can be who they need me to be. I can reach their expectations for the queen and blow them away.


I will show them that having a mental illness doesn’t define you. It makes you a fighter.






Images courtesy of My General Life,, and

Bipolar · Moms · motherhood · Parenting · Psychology · Uncategorized


I love waking up early! I know, I know…I’m a rare breed to like getting up before the sun does. But getting up early gives me a chance to have some alone time before Clare wakes up. I can get ready for the day, start a load of laundry, and write a new post. I feel like I get so much more accomplished if I get up early and that helps me feel like I’ve got this adult thing down.


When I worked at L.A. Fitness, years ago, I loved the opening shift. I had to be there at 5am and I would get there with a smile on my face. The members would all comment on how awake I was this early in the morning. Here’s my secret. I faked it. “Fake it till you make it” was always my mantra for getting up early.It’s worked because now I enjoy getting up early. Don’t get me wrong I like sleeping in. I like my comfy, cozy bed. But I always feel like the day is too short when I sleep in and it throws everything off balance.

I thrive on a schedule. When you have a mental illness having a schedule or routine can help immensely. So I try to always stick to mine. But recently I have let myself slide a bit and I was getting up at 7 instead of 6 which meant I didn’t have that alone time in the morning. A lot of this had to do with my bedtime. The hubs and I were staying up later so we could have time to be together by ourselves. I would spend the night reading while he played video games or we would just sit and talk about our day. It was really nice. However, this meant I lost the me time in the morning and was groggy and still tired when Clare woke up. I wasn’t ready for the day. And that isn’t fun.

Also, it seems like lately, when I wake up early Clare has some kind of mind connection that tells her I’m awake so she wakes up early which, in turn, throws off the nap schedule I have worked so hard to make stick.

I woke up early this morning. Well, I woke up at 4:50ish but I spent over an hour cuddling with my SO before he woke up for the day. So I didn’t actually get our of bed until 6. Aaaand guess what? My daughter woke up early too. I got as far as being dressed and having my face washed when she decided that she wanted to see the sunrise too.

So now I’m sitting here trying to write a post while Clare clings to my legs and whines that she wants me to pick her up so she can play with, i.e slam and break, my keyboard.

Do any of y’all wake up early? Why? What do you do with your early time? Tell me in the comments below.




Images courtesy of and Practically Salad